Most people look at my life and say, “Chris, you’ve got everything going for you. You’re handsome, rich, charming, and I’ve heard a lot of rumors that you’re a world-class lover.  What else could you possibly want?” And while all of those things are true, there is still tons of stuff that I want.  So [...]

[Read more →]

I’ve used the same lip balm since roughly age 12 - Blistex Ultra Protection with SPF 30 (my lips are hot enough without adding a sun burn to them).  This was a conscious effort to give all the ladies who kiss me (by my count its up to 3) the same soft, slightly vanilla sensual [...]

[Read more →]

I’ve hated my mailman for years now.  He’s always looking through my mail, judging me, piecing my sad life together by postal activity, acting out little life-plays with paper bag puppet characters based on my neighborhood with facts gleened from the occasional “unsealed” prison pen pal letter or mail order cereal box give away.  Oh, [...]

[Read more →]

I kind of forgot how good you are.  I had barely listened to Sky Blue Sky when it first came out, mostly because Volkswagen was using it to sell Passats and it made me want to die a little.  But now that that’s all over with I can get back to loving you and your [...]

[Read more →]

There is some good coming out of our current economic recession - lobster is now cheaper than dog food. Apparently, no one can afford to buy lobsters at outrageous prices anymore so there is a huge surplus which means lower prices.  They’re selling at about $3.49/lb.  Which is cheaper than gas.   Now, maybe you can’t [...]

[Read more →]

NOVA replays late at night around here which is good because I’ve given up sleeping in favor of scientific exploration through television.  Last night they had a documentary about Quantum Physics by the lead singer of the Eels whoes dad happens to be possibly the most brilliant person you’ve never heard of; real name, Hugh [...]

[Read more →]

I used to love Found Magazine then Drew brought home the Dirty Found Magazine with found pictures of the world’s mostly hideous people - nude!  But I stumbled across another Found find the other day during my daily internet rummaging and remembered just how great people’s random notes and jottings can be when taken completely [...]

[Read more →]

I suggest the Slanket.  Nothing says “never touch me” like wrapping yourself up in a blanket with sleeves.  I myself own several in a variety of colors to match my every mood from bitter and alone to snarky and alone.
…I gave up a long time ago.

[Read more →]

So the MacArthur Foundation gave out their $500,000 “genius grants” last week.  Apparently, I wasn’t on the list.  I’d like to say if I had won I’d have replumbed the eitire country of Sudan or abolished the Caste system in India but I know I would’ve just spent it on a life-like Spiderman costume in [...]

[Read more →]

I just discovered the tiny gem known as “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” completely and totally by myself without any suggestions from anyone.  No one ever even thought of this show until me.  And now, here I am giving it to the world - a little gift from me to the great television masses yearning [...]

[Read more →]